YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize