at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
