Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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