Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
false alarm. still invincible.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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