i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
