I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
