you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
