covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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