Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
is that a dick in a sweater?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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