I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
