I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
