Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
