and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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