I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
