Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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