Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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