i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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