I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
