I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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