i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
