Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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