I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
