drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
