I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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