I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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