i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
