can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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