she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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