Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
