that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
