"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
