Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
