Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
