So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
