when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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