Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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