I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
