I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
