I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
