When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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