i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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