I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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