Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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