I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
