Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
