got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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