I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
