the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
