So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
