Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had to cum in my sink.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
