I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
