got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
