GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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