do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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