people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
