Pappa wants mamma naked
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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