Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
