Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
