i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
sex in a hospital.. check
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
