Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
